Senior Citizens of the Going Merry
by The Ia Chan
Summary: Ia finds herself taking care of five old Pirates. Senile, fat, and limbless, they are the typical old people you would see. But why are they old? Read to find out.
1. The Discovery of the Senile

This idea just came to me... enjoy. NO FLAMES!

-One-

I grabbed the prune juice off the store shelve. It smelled like old people.

Why was I getting prune juice? I'll tell you why. Because the entire crew turned to old, senile Pirates. Luffy's got no clue that he's even old, Zoro is the bitter old guy who spits at kids, Nami'll beat you to a pulp with her giant tangerine orange bag and cane, Usopp's the one who has all the hard candy in brightly coloured wrappers, I have no idea where he got it all, and Sanji's denying the entire thing.

I think I should start with the whole thing. It's gonna be one heck of a story.

----

I was walking down the road on one of the islands. I had just bought a bunch of stuff like jewelry and stuff like that.

I walked up the gangplank onto the ship where I saw nobody. Odd enough, Zoro's usually sleeping on deck.

"Hello? Anybody here?" I called out.

I heard no answer.

"HELLO!?" I yelled.

"Wha?"

"Who's there?" I heard. It sounded frail and bitter.

I went into the kitchen and dropped my stuff in shock. I stared at what I hoped to be the crew.

"Is that Ia-chan?" a bald old guy said from near the stove. He was... fat. Old guy fat. It was a sad sight.

Over on the couch was an old guy with a missing leg and a missing eye that wasn't covered with an eyepatch. His hair was grey except for a few patches of frayed green. He was asleep.

Sitting at the table, was an oranged haired old lady who was sagging in places women do not want to sag. She was also a heavy set person.

Sitting on the floor as if they fell there and can't get up were two black haired old guys. One with a cane and another with a ripped and beat up old straw hat.

"Oh my God." I said.

"WHAT!?" they all yelled except for the sleeping one.

"WHO ARE YOU!?" I screamed, backing up to the wall.

"I'm Monkey D. Luffy, Ia?"

"How do you know my name?" I hissed.

"WHAT!?" he yelled.

"What's a matter, Ia?" the old bag at the table asked.

"Why are there old people on the Going Merry?" I asked loudly.

"What do you mean?" Baldy asked.

"Where are the old people, they sound like fun!" straw hat said.

Then I finally realized it. "You've all been turned _senile_!" I said.

"We have not." Nami said.

I pulled out a small mirror I had bought and gave it to Nami who then let out a shrike so loud it could have shattered glass. The mirror did crack a bit.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!?" she screamed as I gave the mirror to Luffy who stared at it in confusion.

"You're... 78?" I said, figuring her age was increased by 60 years.

"So I'm 79?" Sanji yelled as Usopp passed him the mirror. I braced for impact.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAIR!?"

"The beauty of age." I said to myself as Sanji nearly cried over being able to see both eyes.

I looked around and realized that Zoro hadn't woken up. Did he die?

"Zoro? Zoro. ZORO!" I yelled and he jerked slightly.

"You don't have to..." he said and stopped when he realized he only had one eye, and leg.

"What did you do to me while I slept. This is taking it WAY to far!" he yelled at me.

"I didn't do that. You're also 79!"

"I wasn't asleep for that long!" he said.

"Everybody else is old as well. Look at them!"

Zoro looked around with his one eye and said, "You really let yourself go Sanji. You too, Nami." Zoro said bluntly.

Nami was about to leap up and beat the crap out of Zoro. But when she got up, everybody heard a huge crack.

"OHHHHHHHH! MY HIP!"

I stared in disbelief, and tried not to laugh.

"Good God. You guys are old!"

"I'm 17?" Luffy said, getting up. Lucky for him he was rubber so he couldn't really hurt his hip, or knee, or back, or lumbago.

"No. You're old and baggy and wrinkly." I said, kinda getting grossed out as Usopp got up next to Luffy. Usopp started rubbing his lower back.

Sanji got up slowly and walked over to me.

"Am I fat?" he asked me.

I pondered this over. Should I lie to him and say no, of course not. Nah. He deserves the truth.

"You kinda let yourself go..." I said slowly and loudly.

Zoro started snickering. "Even your girlfriend says your fat!"

"I'm not his girlfriend!" I protested but Zoro fell asleep again.

I went over and was about to kick him but realized that I couldn't because he was 79.

----

"You guys have to go to bed now." I said once I realized it was sundown. My grandparents went to bed at sundown usually.

"It's seven!" Nami yelled, banging the table with her nasty old lady bag that had only God knows what in it. It was heavy. She had already hit me with it earlier.

"Too bad. You guys need rest. Like Zoro!" I said, pointing to the sleeping one.

"Fine." Sanji said and got up and walked down to the guy's room. Followed by Luffy and Usopp and Nami. Zoro I just left there.

"I can't get on." the guys said as I got into their room. The hammock was too high.

"You have got to be kidding me." I said.

"Help us in!" Usopp pleaded.

I rolled my eyes and lifted them all into their hammocks.

Luffy roled around and instantly fell asleep.

"I'm cold." Sanji said and pointed to a spare blanket.

"Alright." I said and levitated him the blanket. Not wanting to really set foot in their bedroom.

"Could you tuck me in?"

"You're not nine months! You're 79 years!" I yelled.

He looked depressed.

I exhaled angrily and walked over and put the blanket around him.

"Thank you." he said and fell asleep.

I shook my head and went into the room I shared with Nami and went to bed.

* * *

I hoped you liked it. Skie and I were walking home and were talking about what the crew would look like if they were old. Originally, Zoro was suppose to be limbless. Oh well. Chey'd still love him.

Review... please... now... please? NO FLAMES!!! 6-6-07


	2. Visit around Town

If you don't know who Ia is because you've never read any of my other stories (Who are You and Why are You Here), you might want to read those to get a pretty good idea of how she is.

-Two-

I woke to snoring.

"What the frick?" I said quietly, hoping not to wake Nami. But that proved impossible. She was already awake.

"Morning." she said from the bar.

"Morning... who's snoring?"

"The guys."

"What time is it?"

Nami looked around and said, "Eight."

"In the morning!" I yelled.

She nodded and took a sip of whatever she was drinking.

"WhatEVER! I'm going back to sleep." I said, trying to roll over and fall back into my peaceful slumber.

"I wouldn't. Sanji's been moaning for a while now." she said.

I stared at the wall with pure hatred and got up out of bed. Still in my pajamas, a tight tangtop with my long black shorts, I walked into the guys room where Sanji was laying, still as big as ever, and staring at me as I walked in. My black hair was mussy and sticking up at odd angles but at least it was straight. Not wavy and frizzy like usual.

"Ia-chan! You look beautiful as ever! Radiant!" he said.

I grimaced. "Seeing your old person say that... it's kinda pedofile, don't you think?"

"But you are beautiful!" he said with affection in his voice.

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying not to grin or blush. "What do you need?" I asked over the snoring.

"Could you get me out so I can make breakfast?"

"Fine." I said and levitated him onto the floor. Thank you Devil Fruit.

"Thanks." he said and made his way up to the kitchen.

I returned to the bedroom and Nami said, "Do you still like him?"

"As a friend, yes." I said.

"More than a friend?" she said, looking at the clothes in her closet. Wondering what she was going to wear.

"No. Just a good friend. Like I've known him for years!" I said, sitting down at the bar and getting some water.

"Hum." Nami said, pulling out a dress that might fit her. It was big.

"Why do you have that dress?" I asked. It was off white with a nasty floral print. It had ruffled short sleeves and it came to her knees. It also had shoulder pads.

Nami stared at it in complete and total disgust.

----

I walked into the kitchen later that morning, dressed in my dark jeans and red shirt with the button down half way and the collar that was pointed. The buttons that only went down half way were buttoned down till the last two and it framed me very nicely. I was barefoot and was wearing the half heart necklace my boyfriend had given me.

"What's for breakfast, Sanji?" I asked, my arms folded and my weight shifted onto my left leg. My hair was nicely brushed and it hung just below my shoulders. Despite my influence of trying to straighten it, it waved up slightly at the end where it hit my shoulders. My big brown eyes scanned the room slightly and managed not to turn green and go into my Telepathy. See, if you didn't already know, I can read minds, move stuff with my mind, and bend the water. I've eaten two Devil Fruits.

"Sausage, bacon, blueberry and chocolatechip waffles, and scrambled eggs!" he said.

I smiled at the thought of chocolatechipblueberry waffles and sausage. But I didn't like scrambled eggs much. But I didn't say that, as not to be mean and rude.

"I made your eggs special, Ia-chan!" he said suddenly as I was making my way out on deck. I turned around slightly. I was playing with my necklace and I didn't know what to expect. "I made them sunnyside up!" he said smiling his now dentureful smile.

"Wow! Thanks, Sanji!" I said and left the room, beaming.

----

"If you still have feelings for her why don't you tell her?" the bitter ex-mosshead said from the couch. His eyes were closed but he was up for the entire conversation. Mulling over the words said and concentrating on the things in-between the lines.

"What are you talking about, Marimo?" Sanji said, trying to be as subtle as possible.

"Come on, Dart-Board! I was listening! The '_special made eggs_'?" he said, laughing wheezily like an old person.

"At least I have all my limbs." Sanji said quietly.

"WHAT!?" Zoro yelled, half in disbelief that Sanji had just said that, half because he really couldn't hear Sanji.

Zoro tried to get off the couch and fight with Sanji but couldn't make it. He fell back onto the couch and whined about throwing his back out.

"Stupid old bag." Sanji said.

"YOU'RE OLD TOO!" Zoro yelled in-between gasps of pain.

----

I managed to find some wheelchairs for the crew. Only Zoro and Usopp needed them. Apparently Usopp, being very frail, broke his foot stepping on a rock earlier so I had to get another wheelchair. Luffy still thought he was still 17, Nami hadn't really got a look at herself in a full length mirror yet, Zoro was as bitter as ever and actually spat at some kid who stared at him funny, Sanji hated not having hair and I kept thinking he looked like Slughhorn from Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, and Usopp had gotten all this hard candy.

"Whered you get all that!" I yelled when his pocket nearly exploded with the brightly wrapped candy that tasted either like carmel or some random fruity flavor like peach or tangerine or orange.

"I just had it." he said and kept walking with the cain he had as well.

I was wheeling Zoro while Luffy was wheeling Usopp down the street. Nami was watching the ship and I had hid all the full length mirrors from our room so she couldn't see just how bad she let herself go.

"Why do all these people look so old?" Luffy asked.

"Hum? They do look old." I said, just realizing that most of the people we saw looked around 60 or 70.

"Why do they look like Zoro, Nami, Sanji, and Usopp? Ia?" Luffy asked.

"You're old too you know, Luffy?" I said as we got to the top of the slope and started for an ice cream shop.

"No I'm not. I'm 17." he said.

I rolled my eyes as we entered the establishment. Inside was a very youthful looking girl with light orange hair but not as vibrant as Nami's was, more soft like. She was wearing a vibrant purple dress and was eating some mint mackinac island fudge ice-cream. She was wearing white flip flops. She didn't look a day older than 19. Her face was firm with no blemishes and her nose was pointed slightly. Her eyes were a dull grey, though. Her hair lay flat on her head and it fell to her stomach while a bit was pulled back into a bun on the back of her head. Her dress was fairy-like. All that was missing was the green fairy wings. The dress fell to the floor and only her toes were poking out.

She watched us come in with her big eyes as she licked her ice-cream slowly with her tongue. Sanji stared at her the entire time.

"What would it be?" the guy behind the counter said, his hands up on the warm glass counter, smiling broadly. It was kinda creepy.

"I'll have Mint Mackinac Island Fudge." I said.

"Fresh out." he said with an apologetic face on.

I turned and half glared at the girl with the ice-cream. She smiled smugly and continued licking it.

"Fine. Chocolate." I said.

"What would they like. We do have a Senior Citizen discount." he said.

"But I'm 17?" Luffy said.

"He's a bit senile?" the guy whispered as the crew checked out the flavors.

"I know." I said a little exasperated.

Luffy ordered Chocolate, like me. Zoro ordered a Superman, Usopp ordered bubblegum, and Sanji ordered the French vanilla.

"Where you guys wanna go now?" I asked. But when I turned around, I saw Zoro's wheelchair speeding down the hill backwards.

6-7-07...

Review please! I like the reviews:D


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